Family jokes

How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

Why do orphans love boomerangs?

Because they come back.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't reach home.

Why can’t orphans f*ck their mom?

Because they don’t have one.

I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

She was only a potato chip manufacturer's daughter--but she was Frito-Lay!

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.