Family jokes

Q: Why can’t orphans play baseball?

A: Because they can’t find home.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Imagine not having a dad.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?

I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.

His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "Daddy~"

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.