Family jokes

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?

They get set free.

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?

One goes up and one goes down.

Why can't orphans have chips? Because it's family size.

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "Daddy~"

Bully: Ha, guess what?

Nerd: What?

Bully: You are adopted.

Nerd: At least I was wanted!

What's an orphan's favorite game to play on Roblox? The game Adopt Me.