Family jokes
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked. Lel. I hope you guys like this joke.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Why can't orphans become criminals? Because she isn't wanted.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
Dear Orphans,
I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?