Family jokes

What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can actually call home.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they can't call anyone their dad.

Why do orphans always come back?

Because I love cock.

What's the difference between a boomerang and parents to an orphan?

The boomerang comes back.

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

Mom: Please eat, baby!

Baby: No!

Mom: Here comes the airplane!

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

What do you call a straight orphan?

A no homeo.

Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.