Family jokes

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they have no home to run to!

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?

Parent signature: __________

Why can orphans give all you people posting all these stupid orphan jokes over and over again a good kick in the face?

Well, what are you gonna do, tell their parents?

P.S. Stop posting stupid orphan jokes over and over again.

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They ain't got no home to run to.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"

What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?

Call their parents.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.