Family jokes

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

Why did the strawberry cry?

Her mom was in a jam.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because he doesn’t know where home is.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

Daddy, where's my anus?

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

Why do orphans play with boomerangs?

Because they come back.

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

My mom calls me.

Me: WHAT MOM?

No answer.

Me: WHAT?

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.