Family jokes

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They have no home to run to.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

What is an orphan's favorite game?

Solitaire.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!

What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?

A full house.