Family jokes

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they didn’t have a home.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

What do orphans eat for breakfast?

Daddy-O's.

Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.

If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."