Family jokes

Why do orphans like emos?

Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home. 😢

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?

They both worry about how she will turn out!

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?

Ilean.

My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.

Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?

Because she loves raisin' kids.

I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.