Family jokes

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What's an orphan's most hated show?

The Fosters.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.

Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

What did the orphan say to his father?

Nothing, he doesn't have one.

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

Papyrus: Sans, stop being a lazy Bones.

Sans: Why bro, guess you don't have the back bone to do anything, heheh.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"

He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!