Family jokes
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"