Family jokes

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother had diabetes.

I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:

Orphan: No Way Home.

An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?

Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.

The "M" and "D" in "orphan" stands for Mom and Dad.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call “daddy.”

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.