Family jokes

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Why do orphans become criminals?

So they can become wanted for once.

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Dad, I hate you!

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

What is an orphan's favorite No Way Home?

I made a website for orphans; it does not have home pages, though.

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.