Family jokes
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
me in thanksgiving
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why do orphans go to church?
It's the only place where they can call someone "father."
Why can't orphans play on a computer?
'Cause they have no motherboard.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;