Family jokes

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?

Rolls Royce.

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Why do orphans go to church?

Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?

He has family ties.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;

When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;

You learn from mistakes!

That's why you're an only child!

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.