Family jokes
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.
Why canโt orphans pick up their phone after school?
Because they need their parents to go pick it up.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Why didnโt the emo attend her grandmaโs funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Fatherโs Day.
Whatโs faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why canโt orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.