Family jokes
My boyfriend's sister is mad because I smashed his girl.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
What does an imouto ride?
Onii-san.
What am I doing?
Your mom.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
My parents love me.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"