Family jokes

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

Why can you hit orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

Dad, I hate you!

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What is an orphan's favorite No Way Home?

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.

Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.

Imagine orphans watching Spiderman: No Way Home.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.