Family jokes
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?
A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
I don't know, I don't have one.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Memes
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Why doesn't the orphan have a nationality?
He doesn't have a motherland.
Why do orphans eat dry cereal for breakfast?
They're still waiting for their dad to come back with the milk.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Yo mama so ugly, she made the band One Direction go the other direction!
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.