Family jokes
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Why do orphans always come back?
Because I love cock.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: ______
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
Your mom's hot.
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do you call an orphan with no relatives?
An orphan with no relatives.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.
I love my job at the orphanage.
Orphan joke.
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."