Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
Family Jokes
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your hairline receded just like your father did years ago.
I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
Why can't an orphan be a criminal?
Because they aren't wanted.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
