Fall jokes

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

Why do orphans die young?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

Denki: Did you just... fall over?

Bakugo: Tch, no, I attacked the floor.

Sero: Backwards?

Bakugo: I'm talented.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.

After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.

The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"

The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.