Fall jokes

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

Why did the parachute refuse to open?

Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.