Fall jokes

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

Man: "Not for long!"

And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

Woman: "Never."

And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

Man: "You look like a dream."

Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

And then the man orders flowers and candy.

Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

And the man shoots the bartender.

Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.

Why did the bat fall out of the tree?

It couldn’t hang in there.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

Your mom's so fat, she fell.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

I'd make you fall harder than the South Tower.

Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?

He was shite.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Sally fell off the swing.

Sally has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

They'll fall right through his hands.