My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
What do u call a Muslim praying: Allahu akbar.
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.
As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
There is no god. None, not one.
