Faith jokes
What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?
Faithbook!
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?