Faith

Faith jokes

Heaven

    • Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

    The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

    The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

    The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

  • 17

    • Jesus

    • So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

    On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

    Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

    On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

    Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

    On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

    Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

    Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

  • 5

    • Jonah

    • A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

    The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

  • 15

    • Down Syndrome

    • A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

    “Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

    “It’s because God made you special,” she said.

    “Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

  • 0

    • Religion

    • When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

    But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

  • 2