Faith jokes
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
There is no god. None, not one.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"
Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.