Failure jokes

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat.

What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?

A Disap point ment.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

Why did Sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!

Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

I think I found the worst joke in life. For me, it's that I have always been unwanted and alone for my whole life, and I've never even been in a relationship with anyone, and I'm 31 years old, and I also know that deep down, I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. All I get out of life is seeing everyone else with someone and knowing it will never happen for me. I think that's the worst joke I can think of... LIFE.

Still living when you know you'll never find someone to be with.

I apologize with the wording to this; it's another thing I am a failure at.

Feel free to comment.

Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.

You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.

What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They're both pointless.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

How to get into politics?

Fail art school.

Why did ze cow cross the road?

yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.

Wanna hear a joooooooke?

Your life.