Failure jokes

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

What do feminists do when they fail at something?

Blame men for sexism and misogyny.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

"Oops, I made a mistake."

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

Joke: Why did the gym close down?

– It just didn’t work out.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?

Because he successfully finished a race!

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left hanging.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

Ben: I don't know.

Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!