Failure jokes

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

How sad and pathetic is it that all you wait for after you finish a suicidal joke is for people to like your joke, but you know you'll just be a failure at that as well?

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

Wanna hear a joke?

My life.

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

The belt broke.