Failure jokes
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
Yo momma so dumb, she failed movie day.
What do feminists do when they fail at something?
Blame men for sexism and misogyny.
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
It's okay if you miss while saying "Kobe" because he didn't make it either.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.