Failure jokes

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

I tried to catch fog today. I mist.

Why did Sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

B- Half Average.

C- Stupid idiot!

D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?

They crash and burn.

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

Why did the gym close down?

Because it just didn't work out.