Evidence jokes

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?

She said a monster attacked her.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.

Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.

Dora, where do we go next?

Kids at home: Area 51.

Meanwhile,

Dora: Let’s go deliver the evidence to President Biden.

1 day later,

Dora: WE DID IT, HOORAY!

What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?

Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Does it cycle now?

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

Bull In Book Lacking Evidence

If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.