Every jokes
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."