my grandpa killed 100 german soldiers he was the worst german piolet ever
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawkings house? No neither has he
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism? It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Ever tried etheopian food? No? Neither have they
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
i asked an emo girl "do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies"
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that i saw pristiano penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban
If you’re ever bored, just rape an orphan! What’re the gonna do, tell their parents?
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
A mother and son were in the backyard and the son finished building a shed. The mother says "You're the best husband ever"
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever? A: Hiroshima Japan 1946
Who ever invented the knock knock joke, should get a no bell prize
If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Ever wondered my gay kids don't play basketball ? Becuz they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop
(Best pick-up line ever) Your body is like 9/11 I wanna crash into your twin towers😏
