Evers jokes
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No? Neither did he.
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
An old man goes to church.
One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."
The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Best joke ever.
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?
No, well neither has he.
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!