Event jokes
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
I love birthdays 🍰
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
Memes
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
WJE officially a gone memory.
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
9/11, 911, same thing.
I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.