The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Event Jokes
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.
I put the fun in funeral.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Your hairline is so far back, I couldn't see you even when Will Smith slapped it.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
