What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
What burns up a football stadium?
A football match.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Watch Key/Peele "Detective."
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
Being bullied by an artist? Want them to leave you alone?
www.VincentVanGoghAway.com
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Fortnite is good.
(Awesome joke, right?)
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.
Gun + Backpack = Fun
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
