Emotion jokes
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
My life.
Kill me, please.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"