Emotion jokes
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
The other day I lost all my crayons.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
Happiness.
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke!
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.