I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
My life.
Kill me, please.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
