Economy jokes
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
Capitalism.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.
I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
How do birds pay? With their bills!
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.