what happens when the president turns emo?
the great depression.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
"Sharing is communism."
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
