DoS jokes
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Memes
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."
What do you call a fat, ugly, and hairy woman with a rape whistle? A feminist.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.