DoS jokes
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Question:
Did you hear the one about MAGA people?
Answer:
It "sucks" just like they do!
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
How do you make an idiot say how?
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?
There is no F in "orphan".
Exactly.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
Why do Chinese people never play baseball?
Because they always eat the bat.
What do you call a closet with two lesbians inside?
A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a dick?
Suck my dick!