My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.
I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?
A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
