Door jokes
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!
1 "Knock knock."
2 "Who's there?"
1 "Interrupting physicist."
2 "Interrupting who?"
1 "Muon!!!"
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win no-bell prize!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
What do you call a Mexican door?
Dora.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.