Dont jokes
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?
The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.
What's life if you don't have one...
Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
Orphan: What are you doing tonight?
Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.
Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Why don’t clams like to share?
Because they’re very shellfish.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
Don't bully.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.