Dont Jokes

Don't do suicide, that shit kills.

A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"

The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.

When you when, the when at, when with you know, the you, you, that you ever, when... you dont know whats going on.

A cartoon drawing of a figure with light grey hair, a blue and white dress, and a tail. The figure has a simple, almost childlike design.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, she's still trying to open it...

What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

Why doesn't Adele swim properly?

Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽‍♂️

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."