Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"