Dont jokes
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
Why aren't orphans good at poker?
Because they don't know what a "full home" is!
Why don't terrorists like Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?
Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.
Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.
Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-
Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.
Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?
Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
Prince, don't listen to that Princess. She is a fake, I swear. I am the real Gwen.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."