Dont jokes
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.
When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."
Why can't orphans go to Family Dollar?
'Cause they don't have a family.