Dont jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, baby!
Peter: *curses*
Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?
Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.
Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!
An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.
(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")
An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.