Dont jokes

I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.

*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?

Computers don’t really have a specific religion.

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Why don't orphans play GTA?

Because they're sad they don't get wanted!

We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.

Why can't orphans go to Family Dollar?

'Cause they don't have a family.

Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?

Because homing missiles don’t work on them.

When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

I don't know, go google it.

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.