Dont jokes
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?
The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?
Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: Excuse me?
Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.