Dog jokes

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.

My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

Why did Elsa's dog run away?

Because she let it go!

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.

What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!