Dog jokes
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.
What did the bus say to the mail?
Dog.
Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Why do you stink?
Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.