Dog jokes

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?

Durrrrrrrr.

We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

Black dog is gay.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What is the difference between a tree and a dog?

A dog can walk and a tree cannot walk.

What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?

"You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish."

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."