Dog jokes
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.