Dog jokes

I adopted a dog. It's gone now.

At least homeless people in China are not starving.

My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

Her dog was blind, too.

I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.

Why did Elsa's dog run away?

Because she let it go!

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Disabled.

Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.