Dog jokes

My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

Her dog was blind, too.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

Why did Elsa's dog run away?

Because she let it go!

I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Disabled.

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.