What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
Did you adopt your dog?
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
What is a Finnish Spitz's favorite comedian?
Redd Foxx.
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!
What da dog doin'?
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
A girl said she liked dogs, I called her a bitch
