Dog jokes

What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?

Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.

I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?

"Ghost Musterd."

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”