Dog jokes
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.