Dog jokes

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?

Dog poop touches grass.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?

Dogs get loved.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was afjlkawihrs gdfn wjasidphbfvnas icxhuvbjsdlk m.nd;fuoxcghkfjckoSZ: lF,.XMAVUDOXICUGJNWLFXCMV CKLSAXHV IJADHXC;IVKSA.

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."