Dog jokes

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

"A N N O Y I N G - D O G - R O B - Y O U R - S A F E."

What do you call a blind German shepherd?

A Nazi.

What do you call a dog turd in China?

Waste of food.

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck its cock.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!