Dog Jokes

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Why did the dog cross the road twice? Because he was trying to catch a boomerang

Q : What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A : I can jump on my bed. A : And I use a pillow on both of them.

why was the dog soo stressed out? It had a ruff day.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy he said “ get ur paws of my toy.

What do you call an Italian dog?

A labra-noodle

I love ❤️ dogs

What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?

It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire- then it goes WOOF!

I cried when my dad was chopping Onions. Onions was a good dog.

What time is it when you get home can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕 today is the night I can drive

I adopted a dog. its gone now. At least homeless people in china are not starving.

little johnny got a dog without earsand then they invited their neighbours over. then they asked what was his name. the owners said " we did'nt name him anything because there no reason because when we called his name, he would'nt come."

How do you know if an Asian has broke into your house? Your dog is gone. ;)

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!

So a blind guy is sitting on a park bench his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guys leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat. A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man. That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit. The blind man says Oh it’s not what you think I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the Ass.