Dog Jokes

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.

What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?

Nothing, they are both orphans.

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?

Dogs get loved.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was afjlkawihrs gdfn wjasidphbfvnas icxhuvbjsdlk m.nd;fuoxcghkfjckoSZ: lF,.XMAVUDOXICUGJNWLFXCMV CKLSAXHV IJADHXC;IVKSA.

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?

Dog poop touches grass.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!